Connecting With Readers

It's generally accepted in publishing that it's best for authors not to read reviews - and in the modern world that has come to specifically mean "reader reviews." In the age of the internet, everyone has an opinion. People are willing to berate a book with the same zeal as a toaster oven, indifferent to the reality that who-the-hell-knows who made the toaster oven, but the author will suffer the real-world effects of someone's hatred - whether that's in damaged feelings or damaged sales. 

Pic by Story-eyed Reviews

To make the internet even worse, we authors are often tagged in these reviews. Sometimes it's obvious from the outset that the author should proceed at her own peril, but sometimes it isn't. Thus, we authors find ourselves with a finger hovering over a link, debating whether or not to click it.

That's where I was a short time ago, looking at a Tweet I'd been tagged in, wondering if the description of BABY TEETH as "a wild ride" held more positive connotations than negative. I took the risk and clicked on the link...

Every once in a while I'm rewarded with a reader reaction so apt, so what I was hoping my words and characters and story would convey, that I'm struck almost speechless by a welling of emotions. 

Another thing you discover as a published author is how symbiotic the writer-reader relationship is. Every reader experiences a book a bit differently, based on their own set of experiences, influences, personality, etc. I've come to realize just how much each reader brings to the process, resulting in a thousand people with a thousand different interpretations of the story. Now, quite often there is a lot of overlap, but there are almost always subtle differences - and occasionally a radical possibility I, the author, hadn't even considered. But it is a very special moment when a reader is able to convey to you that they read the exact book you intended to write. Truly, it doesn't happen very often, so needless to say I was glad I clicked on this blogger's review.

There was this: 

"What makes this story so special is that it takes these distressing, confusing, sinister elements, a lot of them classic tropes, and then weaves them into her characters lives with an incredible amount of heart. I didn’t expect my heart to be so conflicted or broken open by a thriller! So much happens in this book and there are times when it’s almost impossible to tell who you’re supposed to feel the most for: the parents? The child? Everyone involved?... Her ability to shift such intense and full empathy onto every character, especially juxtaposed with the subject matter, is one of the most compelling things I’ve read in a long time."

And this:

"A third aspect of this book that I loved was the authentic and relatable way that the author wrote a character living with a chronic illness. Suzette, the mother of this family, has Crohn’s Disease and it plays a huge part in her ability to care for family, to make decisions, even to live and work and feel like she has enough energy to be a whole person. I wasn’t expecting this in a suspense novel, but I needed it so badly. As someone else living with a chronic condition, it was obvious to me that Stage was writing from firsthand experience. So many subtle moments of Suzette’s suffering made me go “me too!” and to see and acknowledge that as a valid, human part of this story was a brilliant decision on the author’s part."

These aspects - the empathy, living with chronic illness, and turning a trope on its head - were fundamental in my vision for the story, and it feels like such a victory to connect so fully with a reader on this level. And this is why, in spite of what we know about "not reading reviews," sometimes we take the risk... and click the link... And are rewarded with a little insight into someone else's thought process. It feels good to be "heard," to be understood and seen. Yet another magical element in this crazy journey of writing books. Thank you, Readers. 

Flashback on Book Expo 2018

I've been seeing a ton of posts across social media about Book Expo, and it's triggering flashbacks. You see, Book Expo 2018 was my first appearance as a professional author—six weeks ahead of the publication of BABY TEETH—and apparently it was traumatic enough (or at least dramatic enough) to trigger a hotbed of memories. Before my Book Expo day was even finished I declared it "One of the most stressful days of my life!" (Though I also voiced the hopeful possibility that in the future, "Maybe other author events will seem easy by comparison.")

I was not expecting these memories to come back in such full force, but…

I was a wreck by the time I got to New York City, having spent nine hours on a train after having not traveled much in many years. Though I've spent a fair amount of time in New York City and volunteered to walk from Penn Station to my hotel (instead of the car service my publicist first arranged for me), I was rattled and disoriented and made wrong turn after wrong turn. What should have been a ten-minute walk became thirty, and when I arrived at the hotel it seemed more like a nightclub than a place to sleep.

I was hungry and should have ordered room service, but I wasn’t used to hotels and even making a simple phone call seemed too difficult in that moment. I ate the remaining snacks I'd brought for the train and watched cable TV (which I don't have at home). I was exhausted but couldn't sleep, and my over-the-counter sleep aid didn't help. I needed a Xanax, but had forgotten to pack any. For twenty years I've slept with the background white noise of a turbo-loud fan that mutes neighbor and street noise. Without my fan at the hotel, I heard everything: the elevator, the city sounds, the rumbling beat of music from an outdoor bar beneath my window. But finally, I got to sleep.

Me and the gang... and the potato

On the morning of my Book Expo event I woke up with plenty of time to order a room service breakfast, since I hadn't had a proper meal in more than twenty-four hours. But I was too nervous to really eat. My publicist had arranged for a car to take me to Javits—and I learned to never turn down car service again (it's the best)! I walked into the building knowing I'd soon meet up with my friend Paula, but even before she spotted me my publicist waved and ran over. As I greeted Katie and hugged Paula I finally had a moment of normality, and realized I would've had a much better night had I spent it on the couch in Paula's studio apartment. I needed a familiar face. Soon after meeting my publicist for the first time I met my agent, and then various members of my marketing team who had come to cheer me on… and evaluate my public speaking skills. (No pressure.) 

My panel turned out to be scheduled for an hour later than we'd thought, which immediately made me panic: I was afraid my meager breakfast wouldn't be enough to hold off that wobbly kind of hunger (which I'm susceptible to). In the weeks prior to Book Expo I'd been working with my doctor for solutions to fatigue and brain fog, as for months I'd been afraid that my brain wouldn't work when I most needed it to—and here I was tired, hungry, nervous, and stressed to a degree I'd never felt before.

"What am I doing?"

Finally it was time to go "backstage" and meet the folks I'd be talking with. And then I was on the stage, sitting on a tall director's chair holding a microphone, a little bottle of water, and a potato with pencils for legs (an UnderSlumberBumble-Beast made by my marketing team). The panel got started and the questions seemed different in real life than what we'd talked about over email. (I've done two panels in the last four weeks and have discovered that this seems to be a recurring trait with panels; maybe it's just what happens when multiple people converge to speak on a list of topics.) The other two writers—Hank Phillippi Ryan and Peter Blauner—were infinitely more experienced than I was, and they made the whole thing look easy.

"Did I say something funny?"

My sense of it was: it went okay. Looking back, it still seems hard to believe that I managed the travel, the hotel, the craziness of Book Expo and Javits Center, and then spoke into a microphone while having a stress- and hunger-induced out of body experience.

Later I did my first book signing (yay!) and it felt like I signed a hundred books in thirty minutes. And an hour after that I had a video interview with the lovely people at Audible. I was feeling a little more like myself by then, a little more "in my body" and had gotten more comfortable around all the new people who were suddenly such an important part of my day. Then Paula and I went back to my hotel to rest for a bit before meeting my agent and editor for supper. So, my long day wasn't over yet.

Signing books (legit fun!)

I made a note to myself: Do everything differently next time!

Seriously, take the plane instead of a train: it might make for a slightly more stressful travel experience, but it will be over quicker. And if Paula's game, stay with her instead of at the fancy hotel with the king-size bed: there's nothing like a friend to recalibrate my equilibrium. And resist what may seem like "professional necessity" and don't plan a late supper after what has already been an overwhelming day: I came back from supper with a migraine, as a result of stress and exhaustion.

Hanna's UnderSlumberBumbleBeast checks
out the Flatiron Building

At the time, I did the best I could, and everyone else seemed to think my day at Book Expo went well. (Afterward, I stayed in New York to hang out with Paula for a couple days, and we had more fun with that potato than should have been possible.) Just as I'd predicted, all of my author appearances since then have been easier by comparison. That one year on it still brings up such visceral memories for me is a testament to just how stressful it was. But I endured. Just as I endured many new and difficult things during my first year as a professional novelist. Come mid-July, BABY TEETH will have been out in the world for a full year, but in many ways June 1 is the true anniversary—the one-year mark of ME out in the world. 

So one year on, have I changed, especially "ME, out in the world"?

I'd say yes—a lot! (Though I still sometimes marvel that I survived Book Expo as my first author event.) In certain areas I've made great strides: in a Q&A format, I've actually come to enjoy making author appearances (though I have yet to tackle speaking on my own, in a presentation format). And I recently needed to travel again and I adhered to everything I'd learned from last year: I took a plane, traveled with a friend, loved ordering room service at every opportunity, and didn't over-schedule my days. Yup, I've learned stuff.

My life as a published author is still a work-in-progress, to be sure, and it seems like there's an endless amount of lessons to learn. This is not a career where after publishing one book you hit rewind, and play, and then run through a repeat of everything you did before. Nope, each book is different, and I'm still encountering—and conquering!—many new experiences. My goal now is to find a better balance between "book life" and "my" life. For a couple of years now my mental and physical energy has been entirely about writing, books, publishing… It's on my mind almost continuously (almost obsessively). I anticipate that continuing for another year or more, until I feel more confident that this is a sustainable career. But at some point I'll need more separation between "book life" and "my" life to maintain a healthy mind & soul.

What is "progress" if not learning new things—good and bad—about yourself, in the world? It's exciting to be aware of progress, even (or especially?) when there's a sense of an incomplete Big Picture. This "open-ended" aspect holds the possibility of limitless growth—hopefully in the direction of getting better at both writing and publishing (and being)—and that's a great place to be after an adolescence and adulthood stymied by illness. In moments like this, I'm reminded of the miracle that has been this midlife career change. And hopefully, having survived Book Expo '18, I'm better prepared for whatever comes next.

StokerCon 2019 Wrap-Up

I'm back from StokerCon - the first writing convention I've ever attended – and I've been reflecting on my whirlwind of new experiences. I was summoned to StokerCon – the convention of the Horror Writers Association - when BABY TEETH was nominated for a Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a First Novel. Since that's where it all started, that's where I'll start here, too, with the Awards Gala.

Playing w/ magnifying glasses w/ Jen @ the Gala

To be perfectly honest, being in the bustling banquet hall with hundreds of chattering people was a very uncomfortable experience for me. I struggle with sensory overload. I like quiet. I like mellow. I'm a Highly Sensitive Person and to be in the midst of that kind of chaotic energy made me want to shut down (or flee to my room and lock the door). Thank goodness I was there with my friend Jen, as I don't know if I could've handled the weekend without the presence of a friend.

So anyway… I'm old & wise and though I've never been nominated for an award like this before, I knew not to go into it with expectations. I had not expected the nomination in the first place, and it continues to surprise me when BABY TEETH is on anyone's radar. The First Novel award was presented second-to-last in a line-up of sixteen awards, which meant it was a long night and a long wait. I got more and more nervous as the night went on, imagining myself going up to the podium and speaking in front of everyone. Again, it wasn't that I expected to win, but I felt the need for some mental rehearsal in case it happened.

It did not.

For two months I knew I was a nominee, and for two hours I waited for the winner's name to be announced. And in a flash someone else's name was called and I watched her give exuberant thanks while I clapped and tried to sort out my jumble of emotions. I had not expected to win, but the truth is I was very disappointed that my name wasn't called. This is the only debut novel I'll ever have, and I'm not in the running for any other awards. One of the things that really troubled me was not getting to publicly thank the people who'd been so instrumental in BABY TEETH's journey – and that's the primary reason why I decided to write this post. I can thank them here:

BABY TEETH would not be the book it is without the vision and support of my agent, Sarah Bedingfield. The day she sold BABY TEETH set a trajectory in motion that not only altered the course of my career, but the course of my daily existence. I live in a different city now, at a standard that was previously impossible while having only Federal Disability as a source of income, and my life revolves around my writing. It was a shocking turn of fortune, and I will forever be grateful for Sarah's crucial role in my midlife pivot.

I will also always be grateful to my dad, who was game to read pretty much every piece of crap I ever put in front of him. He is not one of those dads who offer empty praise and love everything, and he set the bar super high by using Stephen King as his reference point in recent years. I hate it when people blow smoke up my ass, and my dad helped me understand the difference between bullshit and genuine enthusiasm. I nearly burst into tears the day he referred to Stephen King as his "second-favorite writer," as I had become his first.

And I would not be here – here, as in a writer wanting to thank people – without the readers who have devoured my book. After I "lost" in my category it was readers, more than anyone, who made me feel like it didn't matter; their support of my novel wasn't diminished in any way, and every time someone says they can't wait for my next book I can feel my heart smile (cheesy, but true).

With fellow nominee, Tony Tremblay
(photo by Jennifer Green)

So that's what I wanted to say. Now, if I'd actually won it probably would have been an awkward, stumbling, dry mouth, out-of-breath rendition of the above thank-yous, so maybe it's better that I can compose them in the comfort of my hermit-home.

After my panel (Photo by Jennifer Green)

This trip to StokerCon in Grand Rapids, Michigan marked the first time I'd been on a plane in fifteen years, so my travels were their own kind of milestone. The long weekend away presented some difficulties: I didn't have the energy and stamina to fully participate in all that StokerCon had to offer, and I often wished I could "do more." Even with a daily afternoon nap, I only attended four classes – and that includes the one in which I was a panelist. There were many more I would have liked to attend, but I tried to prioritize my energy and time. 

The Ice Cream Social and Mass Autograph Session on Friday had sounded like so much fun… The ice cream was delicious, but only about seven people dropped by my lonely signing table. They wanted to know if I had copies of BABY TEETH for sale – as most of the authors seemed to have copies of their book(s) on hand - but I have no way to sell copies on my own. I had hundreds of bookmarks with me, and bookplates I could sign, but not even all seven people wanted a bookplate. (Welcome to the awkward world of being an author.) Still, I got a little thrill when the co-author of "The Shape of Water" – Daniel Kraus - came by for an autograph, though, moron that I am, I didn't know who he was in that moment. Sigh… He even posted a pic on Instagram of my bookmark & signed bookplate and I was super chuffed, and it went a long way toward making up for my lonely Ice Cream Social. (Thank the goddesses Jen was there to chat with me during the entire ninety-minute event – seriously, a friend is the best remedy for stress & anxiety & loneliness!) 

 

Another high point of the trip was meeting people I'd previously only "known" in an online capacity, or as a reader of their work. Alma Katsu ("The Hunger") was part of a terrific panel on doing effective research, and I later ran into her and was so glad we could chat for a moment. She is so nice and I have mad respect for her! I also got to meet one of BABY TEETH's very first beta readers, Kim Chance. Kim is a YA author ("Keeper") whom I first got to know in a PitchWars Facebook group back in 2015. She lived close enough to come meet us for dinner, and we dug deep into "writer talk" and enjoyed a great evening.

Unfortunately, there were quite a few people I intended/hoped to meet and we just didn't cross paths (likely because of my limited capacity to attend stuff). I'm hopeful I'll get another chance to meet some of these folks in the future – especially the ones who live in Pittsburgh! And this post wouldn't be complete without giving a shout-out to the Amway Grand Plaza – truly the nicest hotel I've ever been in! Jen and I liked it so much we're thinking of going back to explore more of Michigan. My room was absolutely fabulous, and every single employee was nice beyond anything I've encountered in the hospitality industry.

There you have it: a complex experience. I learned yet more about my own limitations (I guess it's better to know than not know), but I also learned many helpful things. I ate good food, met nice people, saw new places, and wore fancy shoes (burgundy velvet Doc Martens). Jen was about the best travel buddy I could've hoped for, and I hope we get to do it again. And finally, I did a Q&A for editor/publisher/writer Michael Bailey right before StokerCon and he posted it after we both got back. I guess there's some question about whether or not BABY TEETH is even a "horror" book and I was glad for the chance to address that: in short, the book scares readers, and that's good enough for me.

Book Lists

It's a little hard to believe that BABY TEETH has been making book lists for more than a year now. Prior to that I gave very little thought to these sorts of lists, but now I appreciate each one for the exposure it gives to my book - and a chance to reach more readers. Today's is an exceptionally fun Bookish list, as I'm a huge fan of KILLING EVE: 7 Book Recommendations for Fans of Killing Eve. 

UPDATE: BABY TEETH made a second list today, nabbing the #3 spot on Reedsy Discovery's The 50 Best Suspense Books of All Time!

For a more thorough look at BABY TEETH's list history be sure to visit the BABY TEETH (Press) page.

Writing While Poor

A Small Disclaimer: This post only addresses the "writing + tools" portion of writing while poor. There may be people grappling with much bigger issues before they even get to the "writing + tools" part of the equation, but alas, I do not have a fix for these. This post is not going to help someone who's homeless, but it may help someone who's just eeking by, as so many people are. 

Before I sold BABY TEETH I was on a fixed income of SSDI and SSI (which means that my Disability payments weren't enough to cover my basic living expenses without supplemental help). I worried at times that I might be at a disadvantage because I didn't have money to invest in my career. I'd see other unagented writers talking about the writing conferences (or retreats) they attended, or the editors they hired, or the website they launched, and feared that, for lack of money, I couldn't "compete" and thus might never accomplish my goals.

I'm here now to try and prevent other writers from having these worries! There may, indeed, be some "must-haves" on the path toward becoming a professional author, but they are relatively few, and the rest is optional. I hope this post will help writers on a limited income better understand how to prioritize their resources, and focus on the necessities.

THE NECESSITIES:

1) You gotta do the writing. This will always be the hardest part, whether you have tons of time to devote to it, or little. For those of you with little time (due to complicated job, or school, or health, or family situations), don't be intimidated by online writers who set a 1,000 word daily goal, or 2,000, 5,000, or even 500. I'd recommend the busiest writers set themselves a goal of writing 100 words a day – every day – until their first draft is complete. 100 words. The first paragraph of this post is just under 100 words – it's a few sentences. If you can write a few sentences a day, you will ultimately complete a novel. Whereas if you set a goal that is unsustainable you'll quickly get discouraged, and writing is already hard enough. It's a funny but true reality that when you write 300 words when your goal is 1,000 you feel like shit… and likely see yourself falling farther and farther behind each day; but when you write 300 words on a day when the goal is 100 you feel like a superhero. If you're a very busy person (or chronically ill) with writing dreams, give yourself as many chances as possible to feel like a superhero!

2) You need a computer. I know some people still write by hand and may argue with this, but if you want to be a professional author eventually you're going to need a Word document and email. You can get a basic laptop for as little as $250, plus the cost of buying MS Word (you don't need the full Office software package). This may still be cost prohibitive to some, but I highly recommend making this a priority.

3) You need internet access. If you're able to afford internet access in your home that is ideal, but it's not a deal breaker. A lot of research is done online these days (hello, Google), not to mention social media, and learning about the writing biz – and eventually you'll need to query agents and/or submit your work via email. Even when I was at my poorest I paid for internet: it also doubled as my "entertainment" (for online streaming), and the value of feeling connected to the world (especially if you're isolated) cannot be measured. But if you really can't afford it, you have other options: public libraries offer free Wifi, as do most coffee shops.

4) It's helpful to have access to a library to partake of technology you can't afford at home. I hope you have a library relatively close to you, as they are a fantastic, egalitarian resource! You can read books in your genre or craft books on writing, or use their internet, a printer, or even a computer. I know some writers like to print out copies of their manuscripts for proofreading/editing purposes, but I still think that's too expensive and a waste of paper. I have an inexpensive printer now and it's very convenient, but you can also always save things on a flashdrive (or take your laptop) and print up individual documents – like your Agent Agreement! – as needed. As many people know, you can buy a printer for cheap, but not so the ink (I about chucked my printer out the window when they made it impossible to use anything but their name-brand ink). Libraries can help you bridge the gap in all sorts of ways!

5) The FREE stuff: Querying agents is free (and no legitimate agent will charge you a reading fee). Twitter "pitch" contests are free (and are a great way to connect with other writers). Social media, in general, can be a great tool for becoming part of a writing group or community, learning about the craft and business, and maybe even finding a critique partner. Yes, there are the initial expenses of a computer and internet, but those two things are almost all you truly need.

THE NON-NECESSITIES:

1) Writing conferences. I'm sure they're great fun and very educational, and if you get to the point of being able to afford it you may want to try one. To this day I have never been to a writing conference and it has not impeded my progress. Can connections be made and valuable stuff learned at a conference? Probably. Can you build a career without them? Definitely.

2) A professional editor. Confession: At one point with an earlier manuscript I did pay a few hundred dollars for a developmental edit, and it was helpful. I went this route because I didn’t have a critique partner and I felt a true need to receive some professional-level feedback on my work, with the hopes that the comments would help me understand bigger issues in my writing in general (and it did). This became a priority for me and I saved up for it, but it is NOT something a writer has to do in order to succeed. Many writers get this kind of feedback from a critique partner, which costs nothing (but is expected to be reciprocated).

3) A professional website. While there are many services out there that allow you to design your own professional-looking website for little or no money, you'll often then need to pay for your custom domain. A lot of writers want their own website, and are told they need one (which may be true at some point), but to this day I still don't have a professional website and the sky hasn't fallen. I use Blogger and it's free! Is my "website" the fanciest? Nope. Does it get the job done? Yup. I've considered investing in a "proper" website but the truth is I like the way my blog is set up and I feel like it's very visitor-friendly. Maybe someday I'll have a "slicker" website, but for now it's still not a priority.

4) A fancy computer and printer. As detailed above, in terms of your writing career you need a computer that can run Word. At some point you may want to upgrade your technology, but no one will ever know if you wrote your book on the cheapest computer and had your contract printed at the library.

In conclusion: As with many aspects of writing, it's "comparing yourself to others" that gets you in trouble. I have followed a lot of writers online for many years and I learned quickly that everyone has a different way of doing things – and this is such an important thing to understand, because YOUR way is just as legitimate. One writer may "need" a writer's conference because it helps their motivation, and that's great, but no one "needs" it as an imperative to pursuing a writing goal. There are many things that are like that: when I see the exotic locations where some writers go for quiet writing time it's easy to get a little jealous… But this, as with many other things, is a lovely option to have, but isn't a necessity.

Don't be intimidated by what other writers are doing, or feel that their path is "better." I've seen so many writers from all walks of life make progress with their writing dreams. Ultimately, it comes down to your commitment to your writing and craft, and hard work, and a bit of luck. 

2018 Bram Stoker Awards Nominee

I am thrilled to announce that BABY TEETH has been nominated for the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a First Novel! I am incredibly grateful to the Horror Writers Association and all of the members and readers who voted for BABY TEETH. The winners will be announced at StokerCon on May 11. See the full list of nominees here - and congrats to all!!!